Let me tell you how it is: PMS really sucks. As if the period itself wasn't enough, the time leading up to it must be pretty damn unpleasant too. And if you've landed here in this post, I'm guessing you're a fellow sufferer of mine and there's a loud "YES" in your head. But I'm not sitting here writing this post so that I can have a good cry on behalf of all PMS sufferers. I'm sitting here, in the second day of my period - the absolute worst for me - and I want to put a positive spin on it. I don't know exactly what that is at the moment, but let's see where the journey takes us.

Let's get the conversation going

In my circle of friends, we talk a lot about topics such as sex, hormones and also PMS and period problems. And I would say that at least half of them complain of more severe symptoms such as mood swings, changes in eating habits, toxic thought patterns and severe pain when they are approaching the critical period phase. I describe myself as a hormonal nervous wreck during the really intense PMS phases. When I traveled with my best friend for a few months, she gave my PMS alter ego the affectionate name "Tage-Lena". Unfortunately, rightly so... A big sorry goes out at this point!

I just don't feel like myself at all on these days, I'm totally insecure, don't trust my own head, fall into suspicious and depressive thought channels much more quickly and stopped making important decisions in these states years ago. The hormones hold me solid in their grip and I am, or rather we are, not alone in this. Around three quarters of the menstruating population complain of mild to severe symptoms before their period. That's quite a lot! So we are by no means alone in this, which is somehow a small consolation. At the same time, however, it also makes me angry that life is not made easier for us in many cases under these circumstances, that there is no in-depth education about it, that there is so much ignorance about it on the other side. I had sex education in biology lessons four times in my school career. I never learned what exactly happens during my period, what PMS is and, above all, how I should deal with the pain. Neither did anyone in my circle of friends. But I know exactly how sex leads to pregnancy and then finally to birth. Of course it's important to know this, but carrying and giving birth to a child is not the only process that is relevant in the biologically female body.

But no matter when and to what extent you were confronted with the topic of PMS, it is important that we keep the conversation going now. To create awareness. To create more understanding.

Take the pressure off

I often force myself out of the house when I have an appointment, even though I don't feel like it. Even more often, I force myself into the office or at my desk, even though I know for a fact that I would feel better if I stayed in bed. And I think that this problem is at least as widespread as PMS and period pain itself. Does it sound familiar? On the one hand, we don't want to surrender to our physical processes, let them restrict us and let the hormones win. On the other hand, the body shows us more than clearly that it needs rest. Then we tell ourselves that we can't just make ourselves ill because we're not really ill. We are not feeling well mentally. We "only" have period pains... I think it's high time we changed this attitude. Pain and suffering are definitely reasons to take better care of yourself and take it easy. And it's perfectly okay to cancel a date, call in sick, cancel appointments and just stay on the couch with a hot water bottle.

However, if you encounter a lack of understanding, it is also important to give yourself the space to explain yourself and patiently answer questions. Many people who don't share this experience with us can't even imagine what's happening to us, why we might be labeled as "bitchy" or "bad tempered". Stay calm is the motto. And if you still encounter a lack of understanding afterwards, don't let it put you off. Listen to your gut feeling in the truest sense of the word and don't let yourself or anyone else put you under pressure.

Easier said than done, I know. Personally, I feel better in the end if I take the pressure off myself. Because it's really all in our own hands. The physical pain and strange thoughts that don't sound like us at all, not so much. Nevertheless, there are also medium and ways that might be helpful for one person or another.

My tips for PMS:

For mental suffering:

Take some time out, because you and your well-being come first. Listen to your gut feeling! If you feel like it's getting too much for you, just stay at home and do something good for yourself.

If you notice that your thoughts change a lot during your PMS phase, don't necessarily trust them. Remember that your feelings are currently clouded by hormones and that you could feel and decide differently at another time. Therefore: PMS phases are not a good time to make life-changing decisions.

Write down your thoughts, including the doubts and things you would like to change in your life during this time, what you feel uncomfortable with, what worries you have. When your period is over, take another look at your PMS diary and feel inside yourself again: which of the points you wrote down still feel the same to you? Which points might make you smile at yourself because the problem is no longer so big? If you're like me, most of your PMS worries will ultimately be unfounded and a fiction of your hormone-fogged mind. Knowing that is reassuring even as you think about it.

Let go of your PMS thoughts. Normally, I would advise everyone to take a deeper look at themselves. However, in these doubtful times, my mantra is: I think my thoughts and feel my feelings and I don't give them any more attention than necessary. I prefer to save the evaluation and discussion for a time when I have a clear head. This often avoids problems with yourself and your relationships from the outset.

If you're feeling really bad, you feel like you're sinking into depression and just want to cry all day, do it! Cancel everything, go to bed, cry, let it all out. Allow the pressure to escape and when you're done, see what you feel like. Maybe a walk in the fresh air? Sit on the couch with a delicious meal and watch your favorite movie? Chatting with friends and family? Or would you prefer a warm bath and to be alone? Anything is okay as long as it feels good.

If you have the feeling that you can no longer cope with your thoughts on your own, that you feel overwhelmed and helpless, I would like to advise you to seek help. PMS is certainly a factor that clouds your mind, but the fear of this time and the lack of confidence in yourself makes it worse. You don't have to go through it alone. Go to your GP, talk about your worries and your feelings, get a referral to a therapist or psychologist. Take the time to find the right person for you and work together to build a strategy for the dark days. In many cases, PMS takes place in the mind. And can be alleviated through conversations and new insights.

For physical pain:

Even though I tend to be critical of medication and take all home and natural remedies first before resorting to conventional medicine, sometimes I can't avoid painkillers either. You don't have to torment yourself all day with back, abdominal and limb pain. There are also well-tolerated options if you are sensitive. It doesn't necessarily have to be an overpriced product specifically for period pains. It's best to go to the pharmacy, alternative practitioner or doctor for advice on which product you feel most comfortable with if, like me, you don't like taking medication.

CBD as medium for relief. I have had very good experiences with CBD drops for mild to moderate pain. You have to test the dosage for yourself, it is individual. The CBD drops from the drugstore are usually not dosed high enough for pain therapy purposes. I would therefore advise you to seek advice from a CBD store or ask various suppliers online. Important here: The quality of the oil should be as high as possible, free from additives and preferably from controlled organic cultivation. There are some brands that source the hemp plants for their CBD oil from Switzerland and Germany, which of course also has an ecological advantage.

The classics: hot water bottle, embryonic position, burying between blankets and pillows and waiting for the CBD or the painkiller Treat.

Despite everything, it sometimes happens that the pain prevails and nothing really helps. I can't eat because everything hurts so much that I feel slightly nauseous. On such days, the only thing that helps me is distraction. I turn on an interesting podcast, browse through the streaming providers and end up watching an exciting action movie.

A positive view of PMS

Perhaps the positive aspect of this is also that we are forced to clearly feel our limits in a special way. We get to know ourselves and our bodies better, can assess when everything is too much, when we need to take a break. And we learn to give ourselves this peace and quiet despite the stress of everyday life, work, appointments and deadlines. There are certainly a thousand better ways to learn this, but PMS is ours.

Let's keep the conversation going on this topic. Three quarters of us menstruating people can spread quite a wave of awareness. We can exchange ideas, share tips, recommendations and advice on treatments, specialists and personal experiences. We can clear up the clichés, explain our symptoms and spread understanding. And who knows, maybe we can also normalize that PMS and periods are reasons not to go to the office, work from home when possible, or simply call in sick. Thanks to Corona, home office regulations are still relaxed in many areas, which makes it more comfortable for me and many of my friends. I can sit comfortably on the sofa or at my desk with a hot water bottle in my jogging bottoms, feel more comfortable and can work much more productively under these circumstances than at my desk in the office.

Another very important step is to start taking the pressure off ourselves. We don't always have to be omnipresent and on the go just because we planned it that way. And we should stop demonizing our symptoms and perceiving them as an obstacle, but simply act in accordance with them. Instead of trying to ignore these signs at all costs and in agony.