Let's talk about sex - and your self-determination!

Whether alone, in pairs, in threesomes, standing, sitting, lying down or a mixture of everything: we have sex. Sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes wilder, sometimes gentler, sometimes like this, sometimes like that. But why are we talking about it as a cosmetics brand? Because we all need to talk about it more. Of course: sex is not only good for the skin, but for the whole body and the mind. However, as a brand, we don't just stand for skincare and physical health, but also for emotional well-being. We want to start where we feel the need for change, where we lack the necessary empowerment, where we want to create space for self-determination.

In many conversations with friends, I realize how we are all still learning to defend our boundaries, not only when it comes to sex, but generally in situations where we have to assert ourselves. Sometimes it works better and we are true powerhouses, sometimes all power has left us and we give in. And this is exactly the point where we can hurt ourselves or even be taken advantage of. It is therefore important to get the conversation going, to explore ourselves and our feelings. In short: let's be self-determined.

Why make sex a topic at all?

Sex is an area of our lives in which openness, self-exploration, self-determination and love are not yet solid anchored. Unfortunately, not even in 2022, long after #metoo. Not every woman* talks to her friends or even partners about what she experiences in bed, about preferences and fantasies. And, as various male sources keep telling me, men's groups do it even less. An open and completely non-judgemental discourse is so important in order to learn what really matters: getting rid of stupid clichés and creating space for communication and self-determination on both sides. This should never feel uncomfortable. So if you've landed here, I just want to let you know before the next few lines that it's perfectly okay to stay in your comfort zone. Sex should be fun, feel good and give you a self-confidence booster. Embarking on wild adventures that you're not entirely comfortable with can also mean exactly that, but it never applies to everyone. Wherever you find your pleasure, whether inside or outside your comfort zone, just enjoy it and be self-determined in the way you live yourself out.

Ask yourself: What do I like?

What turns you on? What fantasies do you have? Are there certain places or situations that you particularly enjoy? Why don't you write it down or perhaps address it directly? Here are a few more ideas that might help you with your personal lust list:

• Wild & adventurous?
• Romantic & sensual?
• Toys or no toys?
• Long foreplay or straight to the point?
• Fetish preference?

We often associate "fetish" with things like licking feet or other things that are not erotic for the majority of people. But fetishes can also mean things like bondage, feathers, dominant or submissive behavior. So don't be put off by stigma!

Go solo!

Regardless of whether you are in a steady or casual relationship, have sex regularly or not: take care of yourself, go solo all the way! Realize that you are in control of your own pleasure, literally. Get to know yourself and your preferences better, not only to get in touch with yourself, but also to be able to tell or show your sex partners exactly what is good for you. And while we're on the subject: Communicate when something doesn't feel good. Nobody gets in the mood if something is going on that they don't like. Porn is also a good option if you just can't get in the mood on your own. Not all sex movies are "dirty". There are completely legal and spam-free sites with all kinds of videos recorded by real couples or individuals, from domination and kink to lots of sensuality and no scripts to make you feel ashamed. Find your vibe and go with the flow. Maybe even with a toy?

Do what you feel like doing - at your own pace

Just because Netflix and co are churning out one sex series after the next doesn't mean you're "vanilla" if you can come best in the missionary position, don't feel like playing bondage games or having a threesome. Take the pressure off yourself and enjoy everything that you or you two enjoy together.

"No" is a complete sentence

Draw your boundaries clearly and don't let your determination be intimidated. Especially in casual relationships, one-night stands, but also in committed relationships, it is extremely important to stand your ground and express your desire. No means no and must be respected - by both sides, whether before or during.
There is plenty of room for negotiation between a clear yes and a clear no. About what gets you in the mood right now, how you want to have sex right now and how you are looking for satisfaction right now. And the same goes for partners.

Sex is there to be enjoyed. Not to please others.

It's best to read the headline again. If you don't like something or it even hurts, make yourself known. If you don't feel well or would rather stop, make yourself known. If you can't get enough and want your partner to do something specific, make yourself known. If you feel like doing something specific, make yourself known. Be aware of your desire. Because it has just as much right as any other. Be aware of your needs. Because they deserve just as much attention as everyone else's. Be aware of yourself. Because then you can live out your self-determination. And love it.